Ten years. Well, almost. That is how long

it has been. Ten years! Yes, day after day-

three and a half thousand days-

earplugs and a screen have validated my existence.

How can anyone function

without a plug point nearby? The burden of the Self

is too much, Too Much! Without it, without the

titillation and comfort, without PDF, FLV, and MP4,

I am nothing.

It was a gift from my father, a reward

for having disappointed him. Mother

sees through it, through me.

But now, it is no longer a luxury. I cannot function,

order my days, learn or reproduce, pull myself through

this one last time…as I did seven years ago, and should have done

five years ago, four years ago…Damn it, dammit!

Now I can no longer function without it...

Grime accumulates on the keyboard, in me.

Grime, and age, and back pain/neck pain, absolute

despair.

I escape into Cioran, the Moulin Rouge, and a dirtbag philosopher.

So it goes: nostalgia, a vague, constant, gnawing sense of displacement,

and YouTube recommendations.